Written vomit

So, the blog rises from the dead.  I have discovered a need recently for this lovely place. I need a spot to be completely open and honest about my struggles, somewhere I can just kind of verbally throw up when I'm having a horrific day.
I'm going to lump the last three months under the title of horrific day.  Today, however was pretty unfun even in comparison.

Today, I found out my set designer for the show I am currently directing couldn't build an essential piece for my show and also somehow misunderstood a conversation we had for another piece.  This has left me scrambling to find out a way to build two very large essential set pieces in about three days while going to school full time.  I also got the news my stage manager will no longer be doing the show.  Great.  Now I am scrambling to find someone to cover that position as well.

My husband continues to struggle with his bipolar and as a result I feel like a single parent to my 2 year old and 5 year old much of the time.  I so appreciate my parents and all they do, but I do get stressed out because I have two very active small children who are not always the best listeners and can be challenging on their best days.  I often feel pulled so many different directions I don't know which way to go.

I have returned to school this year and find a great deal of personal satisfaction in it, so it's frustrating when I am unable to do my homework when needed.  I am enjoying studying a field that is so opposite from everything I have ever done.  2yr old decided that my reading time was when she would create no less than 3 giant food messes for me to clean up.  Frustration doesn't even begin to describe my feelings.  I may have cut myself a giant piece of ice cream birthday cake and had that for dessert.  It was delicious.

One thing I am going to try to do, is always end with something positive.
Tonight, 5yr old gave me that.  Tonight 5yr old curled up on his logical, not the most understanding Papa's lap and they cuddled together peacefully for a good 30 minutes.  It made my heart happy.

So, this is short.  I am exhausted and have statistics at 8am.  I am sure things will vary in length, but this is what I need for tonight.  So, goodnight.